I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
