So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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