It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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