You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
