yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
