She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The ass gains better be worth it
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