I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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