The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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