this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
