Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
