That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
accomplished twins. life is a go
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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