I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
