Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
