I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We smell like vodka and hangover
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