So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
