Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we made out on top of his cat.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
