I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
