Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
now i know why i became what i already was.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
