Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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