My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
