he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Less talking, more tequila
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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