I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
