i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
