Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
