you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
NoShamevember. You game?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
