my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Is it penis luge time yet?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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