Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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