My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
