how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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