By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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