Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
