I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
