he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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