Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
