I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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