i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
