she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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