Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
