Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
