Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
