Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
