let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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