Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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