This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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