how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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