Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
