She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
