I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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