i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
