Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize
