We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
