i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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