I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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