He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
