The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
