I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
