You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
