Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
