can u get pink eye on your cock?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Bring me that man meat
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
